Got an appt!

I was able to get an appointment with my RE for next Tuesday at 9 am! His assistant told me that due to my circumstances she wants to get me in to see him asap and instead of his usual 1/2 hour appointment she is going to block off an hour of his time so we can discuss all my options. WHEW! I thought for sure I would be waiting until December to get in to see him! In the meantime, I need to gather all my new medical reports from my ob/gyn and urologist. I'll be picking them up tomorrow and HAND delivering them to the RE on Friday so they have them well before my appointment. I don't trust anyone "faxing" my medical records because they never get where they need to be. So the extra footwork is worth the peace of mind that they are there.
I feel hopeful, at least for a moment.

Too tired to cry

Do you ever feel so emotionally drained that you don't even have the strength to cry? I feel like I could use a good cry. I tried to make myself cry. I think one tear came out. You know something is wrong when I can't cry--I am the biggest baby and cry about anything, happy or sad. I am just spent.
My urologist never called my gyno. Thanks for the wonderful follow-up hot doc. You are now on my shit list. I guess this just doesn't seem all that important? I am desperately trying to get an appt to see my RE but they will not call me back to schedule it. I did talk to my ob/gyn today and told her the diagnosis myself and she spewed out a bunch of information about endo that I already knew from google. She also poo-pooed my use of google to get information. Yet all her information was the same as google. She confirmed my fear that if I go on Lupron it would be for 6 months. Of course I just KNEW it wouldn't be the 1 month or 3 month protocol. Then after Lupron I would have to go back on BC pills. I am not sure which part of "I am trying to get pregnant" she doesn't understand! But she says I should try to kick the endo's ass before trying to get pregnant. She thinks if we do fertility treatments, the meds they use might hyperstimulate me and cause me to bleed into my bladder. But she said there is a Lupon flare protocol they use which could quiet down the endo before doing the treatments. She said my best bet is to talk to my RE.
Oh and I found out if we want to go the IVF route, we would most likely not be accepted into the "pre-paid shared risk" program where you buy cycles upfront and get your money back if you don't get pregnant. I don't know if I could handle the stress of paying for it cycle by cycle and it not working and losing that money entirely.
But, I am putting the horse before the cart. Not even sure if IVF is an option. Not sure if having a baby is an option. And mostly worried about the monstrous mass on my bladder trying to invade it and eat me alive. lol.

Diagnoses, plural

After the surgery, I didn't hear back from my urologist (surgeon). I called my gyn in the meantime and told her about the surgery and that they didn't find an actual mass in my bladder. She told me very straightforwardly, it is a subserosal fibroid and there is not much they can do about it, because the risks of the surgery outweigh the benefits. I spent a good part of the day on google trying to find out everything I could about fibroids and how to shrink them naturally, and then spent a good deal of time (and money) in Whole Foods the next day buying everything under the sun that google recommended. This weekend I started a liver detox program and cut out all red meat and sugar and refined white foods in an effort to naturally shrink my fibroid. I figured I would finish out my 2 weeks of BC pills and then take a month to "detox" (meaning detox all excess estrogen from my body) and then we could move onto the IUI that we were planning months ago.
I was all prepared to tell my urologist how good I feel and our plans when I saw him today. But when the nurse came in to check my blood pressure she flipped through my chart and said something like "oh i'm sorry about the biopsy, the doctor will talk to you more about it." and she left the room!! I was like WTF?! Then the doctor comes in and tells me that the biopsy came back as endometriosis. He shows me the pictures of my bladder and how the endo on my uterus is "eating into" and "pushing through" my bladder. And then he said the words that doctors just can't seem to say to me enough times: "I've never seen this before" as he shows me that the endo is pushing through so much that my bladder is actually red and inflamed on the inside. Which is what is causing me so much pain and discomfort.
We don't have any next steps yet, he needs to have a pow wow with my other doctor and see if they agree that putting me on Lupron is the best protocol. Lupron basically shuts down all hormones and puts you into menopause. ooooh....which now I am thinking of a good aspect of that....does that mean I wouldn't have my period for 6 months? That could be the one, and only, good side effect. Of course, being on Lupron for 6 months (6 months seems to be the longest, but also most common length of time to be on the drug) means no TTC for 6 months. I am so confused and not sure what to do. I'll update after I hear back from my doctor.

Surgery is over but ordeal is not

I had my cysto yesterday. Everything went well, the doctors, nurses and staff at Florham Park Surgery Center were more than wonderful. Went in at 10 am and my 11:30 was getting my anesthesia and by 1:00 I was up and getting ready to go home. So the good news is, there is no tumor in my bladder. The doctor went in with his scope and took some pictures (which he showed me...pretty gross to see a high def color picture of my insides). He said the "mass" is actually pushing into my bladder wall from my uterus. It actually looks like someone is taking their fist and pushing into my bladder from the outside of it. He said whatever it is (he thinks it is almost definitely endo) is not right and shouldn't be there and it is definitely what has been causing me pain. I am pretty sure he said he was going to f/u with my ob/gyn to discuss next steps. I asked if I would need a laproscopy but he didn't seem to know.
When I got home yesterday I felt okay, they gave me some painkiller which made me really sleepy and of course antibiotics too. I'll just be drugged up for a few days and then can resume my regular activities. Just taking it easy today!